Have you ever just wanted someone to listen to you? Not to receive any advice or any toxic positivity BS or even hear of a similar story? All you want is a listening ear?
Sometimes our cup is full and would just like to empty it a little, just to decompress, just to offload, just to know that you can verbalise all that’s pervading your mental faculties.
No one intentionally wants to be a bother (well, not me for sure) but we all need a shoulder to lean on at times. Sometimes we get a call from a friend or family member and they just start pouring their hearts out. They might honestly want you to just listen. Truth is, the best thing to do for them is to just shut up and listen. Many persons have thanked me to just listen to them. I have had many persons that have just listened to me and trust me when I say it felt good – not only did I feel happy to know that I could call on someone but they didn’t offer any unsolicited advice that would make me spiral even further.
I’m not saying it is okay to not give your two cents when a friend has a problem but please, just assess the situation first and determine if that’s the best course of action.
Not everyone wants to be lectured about how someone else is having things harder than you and should be grateful that your situation is not worse than it actually is. Your trauma is valid, your feelings are valid, your response is valid.
Despite wanting a listening ear, we should remember that some issues may be very heavy and can even trigger another person so it is important to be mindful of that. With that being said, what are some other ways you can offload without pouring too much on another person?
Here are some ways I think are alternatives to freeing your mind:
- Journal – it does not have to be a pretty, girly looking journal like all the ones I have, you don’t even have to write with pretty coloured pens in your best handwriting; get a blank sheet of paper and splatter your thoughts unto it. It is up to you if you want to re-read it, crush it, tear it into a million pieces or even burn it! The aim is to get the heavy thoughts out of your head.
Sometimes I would turn to a random page in my journal and read about something that was happening even two years ago and guess what? I smile – to see that I overcame that situation and how much I have grown since. You don’t have to process it then and there, the first time you might see those words again might even be a year later.
2. Take a walk – take some time to distract yourself in nature – literally- look at the trees, watch the clouds move – do you remember when we were kids and we would point out what shape/ animal we thought a cloud was? Go back to basics. Take some deep breaths and allow yourself to be present – the aim is to reset your mind so you can think about your situation from a less emotional state.
I have recently started to even take pictures of a scenic view when I use this method. Editing and looking back at those photos on a bad day can also be therapeutic – heck, it can be added to your list of new hobbies to try (I’ll be writing a post about this so stay tuned).
3. Make a video – talk to yourself (yes, that is what I really said) and no, you are not going to post it on social media.
This video will only stay in the video diary album you will create in your phone. I do this all the time. Let’s say i’m on the road and I had a bad experience in a business place – instead of bothering anyone in the middle of their work-day,I sit in my vehicle and record myself detailing the experience and how it made me feel. If you are concerned about anyone watching you and probably calling the psychiatry bus for you, pop in your earphones to create the illusion that you are on a call (that’s if you care enough about what people think of you).
It is up to you if and when you want to re-watch it. Re-visiting this might make you realise that that mountain of an issue really was just a little pebble that you stumbled upon. It may also make you realise that you really didn’t want anyone else to know about what was on your mind. Have you ever told someone what’s happening in your life in a vulnerable moment and live to regret it within minutes?
4. Pray – if you know me, one thing I’m surely gonna say is “pray about it”. I mean it, talk to God; He listens. Even if you aren’t able to articulate the words, cry – tears is language that God understands.
Whether or not you are baptised and filled with the Holy Spirit, many of us have been exposed to praying, even if it is only in school. It does not matter if you are going to pray scriptures or just look up and beg God to free your mind; He is listening and will help you.
5. Listen to some music – from my post about self-care you would have known that I love music and think there is a genre/ song to match how you feel, whether you want to kick those feelings to the curb or process them.
Sometimes you need a little encouragement from Kirk Franklin or even a beat from Cardi B to shake what God gave you and for me alot of times a proper mixtape of “Gully vs Gaza” is exactly what I need.
6. Paint your feelings – This one might be a stretch for some of us because, let’s face it, who has canvas and acrylic paint just waiting around? (Well, me but, that’s beside the point) – whatever you feel, just go with the flow, mix the colours, watch each stroke of the brush, smile when you get paint on your hands or if that sunflower starts to look like it just passed through a hurricane – just go with it.
After doing any of the above and you still feel like you need to talk to someone, phone a friend. Let me take this opportunity to re-assure someone that having a therapist/ psychologist is okay. It is not a “foreign people” thing. It is a beneficial means of dealing with some deep-seated trauma that we have. It’s okay to spend the money to talk to a professional for the hour – they will help you by equipping you with tools based on evidence for you to cope and even re-wire your thoughts to live a happy life.
I would be happy to hear some of the ways you decompress when you have something heavy on your mind.
Until next time,
love Shav.
Simply Shav 