How dare him ? Why would he even ask me that ? Wait, that’s a normal and fair question for this seemingly awesome guy to ask me while sitting across from me waiting on our dinner. Let’s not panic here (ofcourse I’m going to panic, I don’t do anything for fun); he’s going to get up and leave! Oh no! Okay, remember you’re that you’re “that girl”, you’re working on yourself – as I like to say “aspiring hot girl”.
Let’s rewind and sort this out before even going on this date. Disclaimer, it’s not about preparing an answer to sound “interesting” to another human being, it’s about you and your personal development to reach self-actualisation. I honestly used to dread being asked that question because I’d only go to school, back to my dorm, study for hours and then repeat like a little robot. What is a social life? My aim in university was to get the heck out of there with my batch! My blinders were on and the tunnel vision never failed – academically that is…socially…well, I think you can imagine how that part was. Whenever I tell persons that I’ve never been to a party or a (right now I’m struggling to remember what the Friday night gatherings at the Union was called)…that..yeah, never been to any of those in all my five years of university, they give me a look of disbelief. Integration !!! The gathering was called Integration !!!
After university was the world of work and taking on the responsibilities that adulthood threw at me. Again, it was work then home- rinse and repeat. I found myself feeling lost, only talking about work, only talking to colleagues (let’s normalize not calling people our “friend” too quickly). Where was that creative girl ? Where was my passion for reading little romance books? What the heck happened to me ?!
I know someone is reading this and can relate so let’s kick things up a notch; if you have noticed these changes and feel like you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way, it’s okay, you can actually figure out who you are in this season and strive to be who you want to be for the next.
It will truly suck when you have to do this part but it’s imperative for it to work:
Deep introspection: you have to be totally honest with yourself, what’s the root of everything? Is it that toxic job that you need to resign with immediate effect from ? Is it that trash sorry ass toxic piece of man that doesn’t deserve you? Is it your kids.. (well, you’re kinda stuck with those), is it that you’re clinically depressed and need to seek professional help? Have you been turning down opportunities to go out everytime you are invited out because you don’t think you fit in with your group of friends ( don’t worry, their Tory Burch was bought over the fence, their wigs were borrowed and they did their bodies in DR with the Taps and Roses money).
Okay, so now that you feel sorry for yourself, wipe those tears and let’s get to work. Remember those journals I always talk about ? Grab one, it’s time to brainstorm – make a list of things you used to enjoy, things you always wanted to do but was scared for whatever reason (for example like me in starting a blog) – side note: I started writing my book two years ago and guess how far I am with it ?! Kmt
Ensure there is something that you’ll be able to do :
1. Alone eg : learning to do your own makeup, installing your own wig or that buss-down ponytail (as an aspiring hot girl), scrapbooking, have a collection (fun fact, I’ve had about seven big collections – my most recent being perfumes), plan your maintanace day for the month in advance and just be present ( if you are on a budget, that’s okay, look out for my upcoming post about being an aspiring hot girl on a budget).
2. With a friend/friends – eg going to the gym consistently – someone to keep you accountable will definitely help to keep you on track. Have a games night, plan outdoor activities that everyone can enjoy so you won’t be thinking about your insecurities (you’ll be too busy having fun).
3. With your partner – eg exploring new places on your couple’s bucket list (don’t tell me you don’t have a couple’s bucket list because what ????) remember to keep dating each other – that’s a topic for another time.
Well guys, those are just a few of the ways you can start to feel like yourself again. Feel free to share what you do whenever you’re in a slump.
Until next time,
Love Shav 💕
Simply Shav 